Zitate der "Kurzen"

9 Okt 2004
Die Lebensabschnittgefährten meiner Schwester durften auch durch den Spießrutenlauf.
Zuerst zwei ältere Brüder, und dann als Endgegner den Papa 😂
24 Nov 2010
Sei lieber froh, dass du keine Töchter hast...

Ende der 80iger Jahre unterhalten sich 2 Freunde.
Stöhnt der Eine: Wenn ich nur keinen Sohn hätte. Stell dir vor, er wünscht sich ein Moped für 1.000,-- DM.
Antwortet der Zweite: Sei froh dass du keine Tochter hast. Meine will jetzt ein Pferd und das kostet mindestens 10.000,00 DM. 😱
12 Feb 2018
Ich habe zwei Jungs - völlig problemlos. Aber jetzt zwei Enkelinnen - da fangen die Probleme jetzt im zarten Alter von 2 und 4 Jahren schon an. Aber mittlerweile können beide schon unterscheiden was sie bei Oma und Opa dürfen und was nicht. Wenn sie bei uns sind. Zu Hause sieht das bei den Eltern schon wieder gaaaanz anders aus. Und ja, selbst im zarten Alter von 4 Jahren können die schon kreischen das man das bis ins Nachbardorf hört wenn sie mal nicht das kriegt was sie will. Und ihre kleine Schwester ist mittlerweile auf dem selben Trip.

Gruß der böse Opa
2 Sep 2014
Ende der 80iger Jahre unterhalten sich 2 Freunde.
Stöhnt der Eine: Wenn ich nur keinen Sohn hätte. Stell dir vor, er wünscht sich ein Moped für 1.000,-- DM.
Antwortet der Zweite: Sei froh dass du keine Tochter hast. Meine will jetzt ein Pferd und das kostet mindestens 10.000,00 DM. 😱
Meine Tochter hat kürzlich verkündet, dass sie nun doch kein Pony mehr möchte. Stattdessen soll es nun ein ganzer echter Ponyhof mit ganz ganz vielen Ponys sein.
12 Jul 2016
Zum Verständnis:
Ich bin mit Pferden aufgewachsen, hab in meinem Leben REICHLICH Heu gemacht und Rüben geenertet.
Ich hab auch oft genug entlaufene Zossen eingefangen.
Ich mag nich mehr.
Allensfalls als Sauerbraten oder Pferderoster....
30 Mrz 2014
Im Zelt nach dem Turnier...hast du auch Pferde...( ich leicht angeschickert lüge das Springreitgirl dreist an) ..... .ja sicher ich hab so ca. 500 Schlachtponys.. war auch nicht gut.
9 Okt 2015
Ein Klassiker, aber hier gerne nochmal:

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
SO bekommst du deine Tochter nie aus dem Haus!

Denk an den Witz mit dem Rabbi!!!

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